This is a letter i wrote..
Dear Chris...,
Please read this all.. It would mean alot to me if you did.. Thankyou...
Dear Chris,
It's August 25th, 2010. Almost a year since ive even talked to you or heard you're voice.. I know you said you basicly didnt want anything to do with me anymore.. But.. I've been trying so damn hard to let go of you... but it's just to hard for me.. Everytime i do something.. It reminds me of you, I cant listen to any music without thinking about you.. You're picture always comes up on my comp.. You said to get rid of it but i just didnt have the heart to do it.. It hurts so much.. I know youve said you've moved on.. but i you can ind it in your heart o please give me a chance..
The reason I stopped calling was that.. I was affraid of calling, nd youre mom allways answering the phone.. I was just scared.. And i heard the way she talked to you Chris.. I didn't want that to happen.. I so sorry or just abandoing you like that.. I truly am..I deeply wish ou may orgive me or ever doing that to you.. I just didnt want you getting hurt from your mom like that, from the bottom o my heart... PLEASEEE Forgive me...
I.. was going thru some old wrightings I did nd i found a piece about you...
".....my mom saw chris.. I miss him like hell.. just thinking about it now makes me wish i was home, i cant fucking tke it anymore aeriously.. i wish i could be with him right now instead of being here in italy somewhat.. I just want to be able to be with him for a while, maybe just 2weeks.. its all i ask for.. i know im with someone, but the way i feel about chris is different, i look at his picture and i .. i just feel horrible for never calling him when i said i would always.. it make me wonder how many days he ha the phone with him, waiting for that phonecall, the houhgt only just kills me inside, the thought of disapointing him so much.. i wish i could just be there with him when i got home.. i hate myself for not being there.. This is the fucking reason i hate the way i am, being so god damn .. sensetive.. always needing someone, i cant a week being single cuz of how emotional i am, i need that arm to cry on when im down, chris is the most sensetive guy i know.. Im his teddybear... and hes my big baby.. i wish i could just sit here in his arms.. Even just the thought alone makes me feel empty inside like i know im alone here.. theresnothing i can do, i just wish i had somebody with me right now.. i need a comferting talk with someone.. tonight im contemplateing calling chris.. i just.. really do hope hes home when i do call... '
And..-
"..... meeting chris tho.. back then.. i never had the same feeling as i did now tho.. and still having them now..? i mean its been like 3yrs since iv known him, just about and i may never be able to talk to him again because of me being to affraid to ever call thinking about how much of a bitch his mom is an eveything.. I miss hearing his voice.. his laugh... the one he says everyine thinks is creepy.. i adore it.. i just cant get enoug of him.. his little whine he does... lol, it gets me everytime!!!!! I love him alot, i know i can turn to him whenever i need toand that if he ever needed a shoulder to cry on that i would be there for him whenever he needed me, and he KNOWS that..i will never be able to get over how in love i am with chris.. just the thought of possibly losing him drives me insane i could never handle it.. I LOVE CHRIS SO FUCKING MUUUUUCH!!!!!........."
I, just wanted you to know all of this chris.. I do still really love you, you were the only one to EVER make me feel as wanted as that. I still have an big empty space in my heart just waiting to be filled back up.. I promise anything from this point out would be different forever, I could change for you i you wanted me to, I'd do pretty much almost anything for you Chris...
I Love You...
PS. I you did take you're time to read everything above, thank you..
I really do love you chris.. More than i could ever explain.. And I truly would do anything for you..
Please give me that second chance.... :/
