Im turning 20 in 2 months. But im bound by life to become absolutely nothing, My future stands bleek, and my thoughts are blurring. Living a life with boundary's consumes ones own soul even quicker. Thinking it over this world might not just of been ready.. Or maybe it's the other way around.. maybe i wasn't ready to be here? To.. "Live life to it's fullest.." Im just nothing now.. having nothing to live for, being thought of as just a heep of thrash, my feelings on life hav become slim, and im starting to loose my grip on hope for a better tomorrow. Not really to sure what I should be doing from here on... but i guess i just have to take it a step at a time, and being alone don't really help you in this world.. I don't get along well with others and my emotions are almost shot, so relationships don't really hold well with me at all.. I know my ultimate destiny lays in being all alone and dieing that way, so I guess I'm going to have to slowly just.. live with that fact... because i know I don't mean anything to this world..
As i sit here and tell you this, I do surely keep the thought of suicide tucked deep in the back of my mind, but no-one really cares if i go, so what..? I actually hope it makes everyone feel guilty, that maybe, just maybe if they had attempted to care, this could of been prevented.. and it just haunt them for the rest of there lives. My "parents" mean well, and im sure theyd be bout' the only two people to care about if i was gone or not. Some people might be sad then get over it the next day, but always have that thought in the back of there mind.. "what.. if i just cared that much more.." There's really nothing anyone can do for me.. im a lost cause just dangling on the string of hope.. and well, it looks as if it's starting to break, and I'm kinda losing my grip.. Of course there isn't anythng anyone can do for me... I'm thousands of miles away from anyone Ive ever built up a friendship with..
But in he end they always say.. "It was the thought that counts." Yeah but the actions mean more...
Speak my mind more later.
pce.
